I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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