It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
