There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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