Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
