Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
