I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love you.
Bad choice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
