He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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