I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
