im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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