if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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