Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
