Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
