Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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