I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
