just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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