I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
