you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
