i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two words: eviction party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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