i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
