u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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