So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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