I just pynch a tree in the face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
