Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
