Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
