there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
