is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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