I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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