Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
