im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
