Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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