As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize