I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
