What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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