Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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