there's paper in my vomit.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
