Define "chronic" masturbator.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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