how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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