my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
