Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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