sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
