My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
