Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
