I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
