my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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