hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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