I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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