just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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