dude i'm inner monologue high
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
