redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
