your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
