so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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