If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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