Whod you bang
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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