You're my little dorito
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
