Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize