After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I love you.
Bad choice
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize