i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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