Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
