I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
