There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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