im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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